new site.... www.xanga.com/x3_forgotton_tears_x3 .... im starting over... i just cant figure out how to delete all of the entries from a long time ago... [like at one time]... its taking too long to delete all of them.. so im just gunna leave them there. alright.? -becca

haha.. this is great... i got it from chefsy. alright.? well its late and i better head off to bed. yoO know.. big day tomorrow! its my daddy's birthday!

                               remember when ...
boys had cooties, when friends always listened to you, when dreams were unshattered and worries were few. when recess was too short and life was too long. when decisions came easily with no need to belong. when storks delivered babies and passions werent so strong when friendships werent broken, right was right and wrong was wrong. when bad things didnt happen, only skinned knees brought tears and the night light quieted all our fears. when decisions were solved by "eni,meanie,mini,mo." when boys werent so YuCkY! and goodbye only meant till tomorrow. when your clothes didnt need to match and real friends didnt part. and the fun went on forever..without a broken heart.

wow... its been so long ago. i miss being young. i am sick of all of the drama. i am sick of friends pissing meeh off. i am sick of being confused. i am sick of feeling like a failure. why cant i just get good grades easily. i make it look easy. [ says some people ] but NO. thats not the way it is. NOBODY understands all the pressure involved. ((from myself, family, and coaches)) it feels like i hafta be the best. and if im not ( which usually is the case ) i've let everybody down.  wheres all that sunshine that used to be in my life? i know i used to be happy.... but now im not. and it feels like nothing can cheer meeh up. i hate this feeling.. i hate it. its the kind yoO get when your parents scream ur first and middle name.. its when yoO know y oO've done something wrong.. and ur disappointed in urself. but the thing is.. i didn't do anything wrong... so why am i like this? please. if somebody knows. tell meeh. i need answers. i need that sunshine. [ most of all... i need a good friend that i can just talk to without worrying what they'll think of meeh... or how this will affect our relationship.. or if they'll tell other people.. ] i need a [*t.r.u.e*] friend.

This isnt a perfect world... you smile when all
you wanna do is cry... you act like you are okay
when you are really falling apart but you let it go
and you move on because there is nothing...

When I’m alone, all at home, I just cry.
I wish that I could just lie, like I’m happy.
But I can’t fight this hurt inside.

i just wanna be happy. <3 becca

this isn't a perfect world. you smile when all you want to do is cry. you act like your okay when you are reallt falling apart but you move on because there is nothing else to do even though it's slowly killing you.

Wow. everything has become so hard. Like in school and everything. It's like a total change. LIke in health.. everything has like fallen. i can feel that im slipping. i need to work harder. and not slack off. NExT quarter im always coming home to study or something. school is going to be critical in my future. and i want to be something. and make something of myself. so no more A - 's.. ever.. man.. that totally ruins my 4.0... oh well.

               i keep silent even when i`m screaminq
           inside. cause the thinqs that drive me crazy 
                      i have no choice but` to hide

 

<3 becca